Reality Check: We ALL Need to Be Fixed

A little sister of mine reached out to me after a break-up. I asked her permission to share this, but one thing she said to me was that she always finds herself attracted to the same type of guy - one who needs her, one who needs fixing. She, essentially, was drained from the relationship and felt she had lost herself. As I thought about my dating history prior to marriage, I could relate 100% to her statement. Then, as I thought about my marriage, I hit her with this: They (men) ALL need fixing. WE (women) need fixing! We ALL have flaws, some deeply rooted from childhood and hidden from consciousness, some superficially painful from a more recent situation. There’s a measure of brokenness within each of us, that sometimes isn’t drawn out UNTIL we’re in relationship with the wrong, OR (even) the RIGHT, one!

In marriage counseling (yes, you need counseling and accountability...and it’s better to start there in sunshine-y seasons but definitely a must in rainy seasons) my pastor has said something like this, as she legitimized the “crazy” that can meet us in marriage: when we do certain things, we are poking one another in spaces that hurt but drawing out that hurt (if we face it) leads to healing and oneness (unity). She’s often shared, “I am somebody else’s trial.” In that, the question becomes, is this relationship worth the “crazy”? Can I see healing on the horizon as a result of this relationship? Is the “poking” actually my sharpening? “Iron sharpens iron”, right?

I really love this simple illustration: https://youtu.be/0wuo0e5_hTk

Are you being sharpened, or are you being dulled? Selah.

I encourage you today to move toward accountability, clarity of vision, and an increase of mercy and grace. How do you know when you’ve extended too much grace or not enough? What is the vision for your life and the relationships within it? Where does your accountability lie, that keeps you from veering away from that vision?

LOTS OF QUESTIONS, I KNOW! :)

Truthfully, the answers can be found in your own convictions and your personal relationship with God.

He will show you when your relationship is built on a solid foundation that needs to remain because it’s causing you to be sharpened and grow; and, He will show you when it’s just sand that needs to be washed away because it’s causing you to sink beneath who you’re called to be.

*If you’re married, and you’re sinking, I implore you - go to a Christian counselor with your spouse and find a great marriage retreat to attend. If all is well, you STILL need to find time to get away with your spouse and other couples who are committed to choosing each other every day. I have the perfect retreat in mind for you. Click here to attend the HeartLife Ministries Marriage Retreat this year [October 16-18, 2020]. >> https://hlm2020getaway.eventzilla.net/web/event?eventid=2138756070

There are so many angles this post could take, and there’s no way for me to address them all. Here’s where I need your help... What advice do you have for singles feeling lost on the dating scene, hoping for a forever-mate? Do you have any words for married couples that would help strengthen their bonds? If so, please comment below!

I’m praying for you, as you allow the finishing work of Christ to be made manifest in you daily - while He does the fixing... in every area.

Love, Arielle